All posts by Dark Fruit

About Dark Fruit

I make altered dolls for those who love creepy and horror dolls, my Etsy store will soon be selling my latest creations.

I’d Like To Thank The Tories.

Trigger warning: I graphically describe Acute Suicidal Mania in this blog post (Acute Suicidal Mania is “one of the most severe medical conditions where one has the elevated mood to kill oneself with depression or delusions”). It’s not easy to discuss these things so publicly, but I want people to know what they did to me, and thousands of others. Please don’t read on if you are vulnerable to suicidal thoughts at the moment.

I have been watching the Tory Party conference this week with interest, and would just like to take this opportunity to thank the Tories from the bottom of my heart.

I’d like to thank you David Cameron, George Osbourne, Iain Duncan Smith, Lord Freud, Esther Mcvey, and Maria Miller, as 8 years before your party got elected the anxiety based depression I have had since childhood became so bad I had a nervous breakdown and could no longer work. My doctors and the doctor employed by the DWP accepted this and the benefit system supported me.

It’s not an illness I’ve ever recovered from fully so it supported me for a long time. I was able to cope with day to day living and put the thoughts of suicide that haunt me daily to the back of my mind (usually they aren’t “acute” or “manic”, so I don’t start to act it out or seriously make plans, but I often think about it it’s the nature of my illness).

I didn’t just sit there too, I did voluntary work in my community when I could.

I also did singing lessons and am classically trained to grade 4 as a Mezzo Alto. I sang in a choir and our performances raised money to support local causes.

I studied for a degree in psychology, which later helped me understand how flawed and untested the research the new Work Capability Assessment is based on actually is.

I didn’t make any waves, I let the government pretty much do what they wanted and was aloof about politics. I was warned they were doing this new research that was going to change the incapacity benefit system and heartlessly throw everyone to the wolves. This all started While Blair was still PM, the research was funded by the insurance company UNUM provident. A couple of people who used to work for them were also given jobs in the DWP under Labour too. I naively thought:

“no government will ever actually be mad enough to try it, they’d be too scared of the human rights violations.”

I heard Labour were beginning to test this new system on new claimants, and thought:

“It will be ok, when the tests are properly finished the results will expose the flaws and they will change the assessment, so it won’t harm the long term unemployed on incapacity benefit like myself and so many others. They will realise they can’t just throw us to the wolves they have to help us back into the workplace gradually, or just accept lots of us will really just never work full time again”.

I saw you get elected and heard you say “if you are truly ill we will look after you” and I thought it would be ok.

Then I watched in horror David, as your party and the Lib Dems designed a new bill, the “welfare reform bill” I saw how you were going to change the law so the benefit system would no longer protect people. You would be able heartlessly cut the amount of money people received so they couldn’t afford to eat and pay their bills, even if they had children  cared for a disabled person, or were themselves disabled.

I joined the Spartacus campaign and we did everything we could to raise awareness of what you were going to do. We nearly got the Welfare Reform Bill stopped too, but you “invoked parliamentary privilege” and over ruled the house of commons, forcing it through.

I thought it would be the mentally ill who suffered most under the new system, as our illnesses are difficult to see. I thought people who had more easily quantifiable physical illness that prevented them from working would be ok. But in horror I watched as they even declared people with terminal illness fit for work. I saw people with severe pain who could often hardly move get told “they could do something” and be told to go on Job Seekers Allowance and look for work.

I supported Disabled People Against Cuts and they supported me, I travelled to London (on Valium the first few times to prevent panic attacks leaving me a gibbering wreck in the middle of the tube station). We blocked roads bringing central London to a standstill several times. The media didn’t report it but people saw us and were largely supportive. I waited in fear for my “assessment”, it was a year before you got to me but it came.

We were fighting against the propaganda the media were starting to drop. Making out the rate of fraud in the disability benefits system was much higher than it was, and that people who were so depressed they couldn’t leave their houses or look after themselves, or people who were in constant pain, would be better off if they got a job.

I don’t use the word “propaganda” lightly either, if you read Mansel Aylward’s research (that the work capability assessment is based on) it is in there, it’s not just about the benefits system itself, it says the government have to change societies attitude to illness and disability so people being on incapacity benefit is no longer “the norm”. You could have done this by encouraging employers to employ the disabled and mentally ill, as with the right support and a more understanding society quite a few us could go back to work at least part time. You could have encouraged the media to show us in a more positive light, as people just like everyone else. You could have spent the money you paid Atos on schemes to help people into work. Instead you launched a vile propaganda campaign, portraying all benefit claimants as lazy and work shy, and suggesting many on disability benefits were faking it.

All those articles where key words like “scrounger”, “shirker”, “skiver”, and the phrase “hard working” were dropped in really were, and are the government’s clumsy attempt at propaganda. It’s very basic psychology, using emotive words to provoke a strong reaction to certain stimulus, politicians do it all the time. Sadly psychology isn’t taught in schools though, you have to go and study it of your own volition, so lots of the public fall for it.

I watched in horror as hate crime against the disabled increased, and the people I was campaigning with grew scared. We were all so scared David, some people got so scared they had to be sectioned or even took their own lives before they even had the assessment. Others took their lives just after they received the letter saying their money was stopping as Atos had found them fit to work. I’m not making this up,many of the suicides are documented, and people who are ill or dying die faster if you put them under inhumane amounts of stress and make them fight for the money they are entitled too.

You stopped counting the dead after two years of this inhuman system being implemented. But we know in the first year 10,600 people died after being declared fit to work, that’s 78 people a week. We haven’t just plucked that figure out of the air either, it was taken from a freedom of information request for the DWP’s own statistics. You refused to release the next years stats using a loophole, and stopped counting the next year,

I nearly killed myself when I got my letter, at the assessment the “nurse” reassured me that I would be ok, but then she only gave me 6 points (you need 15 to receive ESA). She ignored the fact I told her I have suicidal thoughts and wrote I “have no ideas of self harm”. I fell to my knees and wept when I read it.

the sequence of events blurs in my memory as to what happened next exactly, but  I found myself climbing the ladder to the roof access in my flat with a pen and the letter. I was going to scrawl “Am I self harming enough for you yet?!” on the back of the letter and jump off the roof with it in my hand.
It was a three storey building and I would have landed on concrete in the middle of Ryde High street in front of all the shoppers and people going to work. But I was crying and shaking so much I couldn’t get the hatch open, I couldn’t see through the tears, it was heavy and awkward, and I was having another nervous breakdown.

The suicidal thoughts were coming thick and fast:

“they don’t care about you Nancy, you’re nothing, you’re collateral damage just another statistic and casualty of life, you’re going to be like this forever, why not die now, do everyone a favour.”

But I still couldn’t get the hatch open.

“Look at you you’re pathetic you can’t even kill yourself right YOU FAILURE you’re such a disappointment to everyone!”

I fell off the ladder and hurt myself, I just lay there on the floor tears streaming down my face, I wanted to sob but no noise came out, I just lay there silently screaming tears still streaming down my face. My stomach painfully contorting with anxiety making me retch and heave, unable to get up as all my muscles were like jelly. I thought of all the others going through this too, I remembered the Spartacus report and how all those experts who contributed (not just activists, real doctors and lawyers and other professionals) warned them this would happen. But they ignored us and heartlessly rolled out this terrifying and untested system anyway.

I knew I didn’t have enough pills to kill me if I took them all, I had survived that before. I looked at my wrists and thought about running a bath, if I mixed the pills with vodka maybe it would work? I had just about enough money left in the bank for a small bottle, if I could just stop crying long enough to go to the shop they’d sell me it and I could come home with it…

Then thankfully out of nowhere I heard another voice, it said:

“Don’t kill yourself Nancy, that’s what they want, if you are dead you can’t campaign any more, you can’t help expose the phony untested research. You can’t tell people what they are doing to thousands of genuinely ill disabled and mentally ill people. The campaign movement will lose another voice and you’ll just be another name on Callum’s list. Think of what it will do to your friends you campaign with when they hear what you’ve done, think of how Paula and Gail Ania and Helen Willow and all the others will weep when they hear, just like you weep every time you hear of another one.”

So I want to thank you David, as it’s then I vowed you wouldn’t get away with this, it may not happen while you are still Prime minister, but one day we will see you and your wretched government of heartless liars in the court of human rights.

That’s why you really want to scrap the human rights act isn’t it David? Because you lot are really starting to sweat now, you know you’re in trouble. The WOW petition got to 100,000 signatures and we had the debate, and even though you’ve desperately tried to cover it up we’ve made the public aware of what you’ve done. Me and Rick also got the Amnesty resolution passed and they condemned your actions. The mental health resistance network got your government taken to the high court over the way the work capability assessment treats mental illness, and the judge agreed with us. People with severe depression and risk of self harm aren’t being refused ESA now like I was, I’ve seen it.

It’s been a slow and often soul destroying fight, and all victories are hard won and slightly hollow now in light of all the misery suffering and death you guys have caused on the streets of your own country. Gradually I can see we are winning though, the hatred of benefit claimants is still strong because of your propaganda. Enough people are seeing through it now to restore my faith in humanity a bit. We’re slowly beating you David.

Again I’d like to thank you David, you turned me from a passive and nervous bystander to the hardened and bolder angry disability rights activist you see now. There are thousands of us all standing shoulder to shoulder, and we won’t let the world forget what you’ve done and are still trying to do. I’m more politically aware than I have ever been and watch everything you do like a hawk, ready to react and expose your lies, when before I’d just have ignored you. You replaced my apathy with anger and the desire to change things, never again will I just sit back and watch what the government does and do nothing if it’s unjust. We’ll fight the closure of the Independent Living Fund too, how could you take so much away from the most severely disabled people in society by closing that too? Shame on you.

We don’t just campaign on disability rights issues either, We’ll continue to campaign to halt evictions because of rent arrears created by your cruel bedroom tax. We’ll continue to do what we can to raise awareness of, and actually help all of those people you’ve left homeless and destitute when they needed YOUR help in their hour of need.

Thanks David, and I hope you and George choke on the caviar at your next Tory Party champagne supper, IDS and Lord Freud have to give you the Heimlich maneuver, and all this is caught on camera and goes viral.

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If you’ve been directed here from my old blog,  sorry for the inconvenience, all my original posts are here however,  just use the search box above to find the title of the post you were looking for. I’m slowly going through the archive and correcting any formatting errors, but the texts are all the same.

Time To Boycott Google If You Aren’t Already.

I’ve now moved my blogger Blog over to wordpress as I am sick of Google’s actions, if they aren’t harvesting our data they are  censoring what can and can’t be found.
I first stopped using Google as a search engine years ago as soon as I discovered  https://duckduckgo.com/ which is a search engine that doesn’t store your data or censor the results whenever the government ask them too. I highly recommend it and use it as my start page, there’s also firefox plugin that makes it the default search engine on your browser too, which is useful.The reason I am again angry with Google is I have read an article saying that they have been blocking certain words and domains from results.   the website showing what they’ve been blocking is called Hidden From Google you can find it by clicking the title there.

Sorry about the lack of blog posts I’ve been busy, and been trying to set up a shout-cast station to go with the blog but my internet connection seems too slow to do it. It’s called Crazy Adventures to match the blog and I’m hoping to successfully find a way to broadcast at least once a week. In the meantime you can help out by going to the station and clicking on the thumbs up where says “Vote” and there are stars. If I can get 100 votes I can get an ad free player for the listeners for free.

The Gagging Law And Why We Need To Worry

You may wonder why should be so concerned about the gagging law since it barely effects the small fry like us, but we need to worry, as it will in ways we wouldn’t expect. Basically small campaign groups will be at a massive disadvantage to Political Parties financially in the year before an election when it comes to expressing their views on policy and trying to win votes (the amount of money campaign groups can spend will be limited for the whole year, while MP’s can spend as much as they want until 4 months before the election) .
It won’t effect smaller groups like us as we don’t spend much, if any money. But larger groups who would speak up for us like 38 Degrees and Trade Unions etc will not be able to spend money on events with speakers, printed material and things like that, so will be effectively be gagged. Without the help we’ve had so far from groups like this things would be even worse for the poor and downtrodden, as there would be no one raising awareness for us on a large scale.
Once 2015 begins it will all be down to small grass roots campaign groups to raise awareness of how many thousands of us are being treated by the sweeping changes this government has made, and no other future government has any intention of reversing judging by what they have said so far. Social media accounts that mock the government are already being shut down on twitter, in the year before the election many more will go too, along with other pages promoting the alternative media and our take on what is going on.
Combined with the new policing and antisocial behaviour bill it will make it pretty much impossible for smaller groups to have peaceful flash protests too where we raise awareness with the public of what is happening, as they will be able to arrest us just for being there. You can see now why they are preparing water cannons for the summer etc, they are going to start arresting peaceful protestors who pose no threat, which will spark anger and trigger Police brutality. The media will present what started out as peaceful protest as a riot, and we will not have got our message out.
It all goes to show that the government are scared of us and want to silence us, and that our democratic rights are slowly being eroded. Don’t look back and wonder why you did nothing, join us in peacefully fighting these unjust laws.
It’s understandable if you don’t want to join a protest, I don’t trust the metropolitan Police to be able to use a water cannon safely either, you may not realise this but they are not there simply to get you wet, they are a crowd control device. They have different settings from “get them wet” to “punt them a few meters down the road into stationary objects in bone smashing agony”. They have to be used with precision and be fired from exactly the right distance away or people will get broken bones and possibly even die. If one goes off way too close the jet hitting you alone can take your skin off. The Met don’t exactly have a good track record for getting this sort of shit right do they either? Look how many unarmed people they’ve shot and just gone “oh sorry my bad we thought he had a gun”, then just got away with it, and now were giving the water cannons?!
Also please remember when the media show you protests they only show you the people who were kicking off, the photographers dive in to get a picture of the person being arrested elbowing people out of the way to get that footage. I’ve been at many and the vast majority of people at these events are completely peaceful and just exercising our democratic right to protest, and if we stop now we face a horrific dystopian future where huge corporations actually openly control everything and there will be nothing we can do about it.
I understand many of you have reasons to live and don’t want to die trying to peacefully resist what this government is doing, just spare a thought for those of us who have lost everything and no longer care. I’ve always been a pacifist and will never turn to violence, but I also will never stop fighting any other way I can for our rights and for justice for all the people who have already died as a result of the changes to the welfare system. Under the new laws passive resisters like myself  will be treated as brutally as someone attacking the Police or causing damage to property though. I really hope it doesn’t turn out to be as bad as this and we can raise enough awareness of what these new laws mean before it gets to the point where peaceful protestors are being hurt in large numbers. But we’ve already seen the videos of how brutally students were treated for daring to try and protest peacefully on their own campus, in some cases by private security guards not even the Police. There has not been enough of an outcry about that too in my opinion so it doesn’t look good. 
I’ll leave you with some footage of the Irish Police (who are trained to use water cannons) demonstrating water cannon use. Notice how they still manage to fuck it up and actually get the crowd wet as they drove it to close to them when demonstrating the “diffuser” setting.


Also listen to the sound this Turkish protestors body makes as he crashes to the ground, and notice how motionless he is, and believe me if you were from Turkey you would be angry and protesting too so don’t judge him harshly for angrily shouting at the water cannon and provoking them.

"Residential Training Provision", A Nicer Word For Work Camps?

Yesterday morning I was horrified to read that a report had surfaced saying they were planning “Residential Training” for Disabled and long term Unemployed people. After all welfare reform has been crashing disaster so far. Thousands have people have been declared fit for work with no impact assessment, or proper program in place to actually get us back into work after years of unemployment. So far it seems like a cold hearted attempt to get us of benefits at any cost, they don’t seem to care if we end up with a job, or whether we end up destitute and dying, just as long as we don’t ever get “ESA”.

Also the anti-disabled propaganda display has made disabled people even more unattractive to potential employers, why did they do this ridiculous thing we all wonder? I think it’s a misinterpretation of something good old Mansel Aylward said in his horrific “Psycho Social Theory Of Disability”. He told them they needed to make disabled people working the “social norm”. They could have chosen to try and make employers want to employ disabled people, encouraged compassion and patience, offered training and support for disabled people straight away. But instead the idiots opted to just make it a social crime to dare to claim disability benefits, no matter how ill you really are. Now people who walk with sticks or use mobility scooters (even those who aren’t on any disability benefits) face abuse in the streets, and are accused of “faking” their disability.

 The thousands of people dying after being told they were “fit to work” (10,600 in the first year) are being covered up and minimised, now not even recorded by the DWP. If you are disabled and don’t work you are considered lowest of the low now. The fools have created yet another “barrier to work” for us.

So when I read they were planning work camps, I had no trouble believing IDS and his evil crew had come up with that idea. I broke out in a cold sweat and felt the familiar twist of panic and though “My God what are they going to do to us now?…” But then I actually read the paper.

It doesn’t seem as bad as we first thought, its only in the planning stages at the moment but they are now actually doing what they should have done in the first place. Holding consultations about what they can actually do to HELP disabled people get back into work. It is literally residential training, and you will have a choice as to whether you go as residential or not. You can read the full report “Residential Training Provision – Independent Advisory Report” by clicking here.

As I said before they SHOULD have been looking into things like this before they rolled out the new “Work Capability Assessment” and had it in place before they declared thousands of us fit for work, closed lots of Remploy factories, and cut us adrift, making us sign on JSA with advisors who have no training in helping disabled people back to work. This is the sort of thing the report suggests, more advisors who are trained, and more practical courses that actually help you cope with disability and get employed. Not rubbish just designed to make money for the companies that provide them, while we’re pushed from pillars to post and called “Lying Thieving Bastards” behind our backs.

All we have to fear is that they won’t listen to what has been recommended, which they haven’t been great at so far lets face it have they? Or they will start to do it, but like everything they’ve done in the past that works they will stop it because it costs too much.

We must keep our eyes on how this progresses, but don’t be too scared, 75% of people on disability benefits want to work, they are finally going to try and help us. If they listen to the independent advice that is, and Tories generally don’t like listening to anyone else’s advice do they? But it shows our campaigning is paying off, they are looking into it at least.

Please help keep up the pressure on them to finally get it Right  by signing the War On Welfare Petition if you haven’t already.

More Propaganda Broadcast "Don’t Worry Disabled People Are Fine, Go Back To Sleep…"

Just been listening to BBC Radio Four, they were discussing disability and finances and how disabled people have more of a hard time getting loans. they also went into how it costs more day to day if you are disabled, how this is worse in the current economic climate, and mentioned welfare reform and bedroom tax, giving an example of one woman who has to now pay £20 a week she can ill afford. The report quite good and balanced up until that point, then they read out the government response.
They said that they are “Committed to helping disabled people” still spend 58 billion on disabled people, and that a number of disabled adults and children are actually getting more money under welfare reforms. Then went on to say something about some scheme to help disabled people say no to dodgy loans and expanding credit unions.
I couldn’t believe it, I only know one disabled person who is in fact getting more money as a result of welfare reforms. I know many people who have lost money and are afraid they will lose more money when PIP comes in. Nearly every one of my friends who has mental illness has lost ESA on appeal, including myself, the mentally ill are always the first to be screwed over when there are cuts after all.
They completely ignored all the negative impact their reforms have had in their response and as usual didn’t apologise one bit or admit welfare reform had gone wrong, it was a disaster, and they were sorry, let alone tell us they were working on putting it right.  They just gave this reassuring response that practically said “go back to sleep, disabled people are fine…” even though the show had just given an example of a person who was suffering.
And to add insult injury those of us who campaign to raise awareness of what is actually happening are now labelled extremists. I just hope the general public aren’t falling for all this rubbish, though lets face it they probably are…

List Of Brands Available In The UK That Use Monsanto Products.

   

Complete list of UK Brands that use Monsanto products, so these companies products probably contain Genetically Modified ingredients. Boycott all these companies for the good of your health!  This site is very useful too called “How To Avoid GM Foods“. And also check out “GM Watch
And if you are in the USA watch the video at the bottom of the post for a full list of products you should be boycotting too.
Betty Crocker
Cadbury
Campbells
Capri Sun
Carnation
Coca Cola
Quakers
Green Giant
Heinz
Hellmanns
Nestle
Spam
Kellogs
Knorr
Kraft
Lipton
Minute Maid
Ritz Crackers
Ocean Spray
Pepsi
Pilsbury
Power Bar
Pringles
Proctor and gamble
Quaker
Ragu
Weight Watchers
Schweppes
Uncle Bens
Unilever


Atos monlogues "Internet Survey number 2" for art action week project.

Picture by Stewart
If we’re going to do any of the Atos monologues I’m going to need a lot of volunteers who can record themselves and somehow send the video, because of the amount of time we have I think we can only do a small part. Mainly because we don’t have time to send larger videos which would probably have to be sent by post on a disc. There are a lot of lines in this part, and the resulting videos will hopefully be short enough to email or send over facebook. If you just upload them to the art action group I can download them from there.
I’ve moved this post onto the blog as it’s easier to share a link to it, and I can strike through the lines that are already taken.  If you want to take part chose the line you want to read from the list below, record it and you can send it to me through facebook. If you don’t use facebook leave a comment and we’ll find another way for you to send me the video. And if the line you wanted has a line through it sorry someone has already taken that one.
Here is the full Atos Monologues 2 script: 
http://www.scribd.com/doc/105841602/The-Atos-Monologues2
The part we are doing is on page 13
 

We can’t see Post traumatic stress disorder and we’ve never heard of a hippocampus.
You do not meet my limited definition of being disabled
You drive an Audi. How would you afford it? It would be too difficult for a disabled person to get in.
You can text a friend
You can tweet
You watch TV and soaps and can sit comfortably for half an hour.  
I saw you stand up!
‘You’re too young’
You can pick up a £1 coin
“You seem alright to me”
“You’re smiling”
You look butch. Can’t be anything wrong with you.
You could fill in the form.
You brushed your hair this morning and you’re wearing a nice coat
You answered questions that was asked
You traveled by bus
You don’t soil yourself every day.
You could fill in the form
You’re still breathing
You can spell your name backwards
You’re not a dribbling, disheveled lunatic howling at the moon and threatening to axe people to death
You hold eye contact
You don’t look disabled enough to me
You brushed your teeth this morning.
You’re faking it.
You can’t have Post traumatic stress disorder because “you’ve never been in a war zone”
You’re at university.
You have a girl friend.
You don’t look autistic
You can talk
I cannot see anything wrong with you
You moved your leg.
You can lift an empty box up to waist height.
You’re so pretty.
PAUSE
You can’t be disabled because of Tory ideology